It's been three years since I came up with the Dr. Suess inspired name for my new web design firm, Geeks on the Beach.

In that time, the company has evolved; and so has our website mascot/logo - The Beach Geek.

It all starts with the spices:

• 3 tbsp chili powder
• 1 tbsp fine grind espresso
• 1 tbsp each: ground cumin, paprika and brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp each: salt, dry mustard, ground coriander, garlic powder, onion powder, oregano, red pepper flakes, and freshly ground black pepper
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1 tbsp brown sugar

Add all of the above to a small frying pan, except for the brown sugar. Turning the spices often, heat over a low flame until the spice mixture begins to turn a darker shade of red. This is called "blooming" the mixture. It brings out the oils in the spices and turns up the flavor.

If you see any wisps of smoke, remove immediately - burnt spice isn't the smokey flavor you're after.

Transfer the spice mixture to a bowl and stir in the reserved brown sugar, mixing well.

At this point, your entire kitchen will smell wonderful.

1. I cook minute rice to al dente perfection in 56 seconds.
2. I have been trained in the ancient art of full-contact bonsai.
3. Sometimes, after the kids are in bed, I secretly replace their completed homework assignments with subversive beat poetry.
4. I breed genetically enhanced M&M candies for fun and profit.
5. Small animals appreciate the subtleties of my sarcastic wit.
6. When I am bored, I translate mime into braille for the colour-blind.
7. I once single-handedly defended the honour of a Moroccan midget using only a spork, two dixie cups, and a ferret.
8. My operetta for corduroy slacks has been performed on five continents.
9. I retroactively coined the phrase ahead of his time.
10. I am a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, served inside an enigma, smothered in cheesy goodness.

With nods to Hugh Gallagher, Winston Churchill, and M&M geneticists everywhere.